LESSON 1 
 

Managing Anger

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Colossians 3:1-9

Since, then, you have been raised with Christ, set your hearts on things above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God. 2 Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things. 3 For you died, and your life is now hidden with Christ in God. 4 When Christ, who is your[a] life, appears, then you also will appear with him in glory.

5 Put to death, therefore, whatever belongs to your earthly nature: sexual immorality, impurity, lust, evil desires and greed, which is idolatry. 6 Because of these, the wrath of God is coming.[b] 7 You used to walk in these ways, in the life you once lived. 8 But now you must also rid yourselves of all such things as these: anger, rage, malice, slander, and filthy language from your lips. 9 Do not lie to each other, since you have taken off your old self with its practices 10 and have put on the new self, which is being renewed in knowledge in the image of its Creator.

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Natures of Anger

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1) Anger can lead us to impulsive actions/words

Proverbs 14:17 and Proverbs 12:18

2) Anger can reveal something deeper about us
Provb 17:27 (understanding: tabuwn - to have understanding and insight. examine our first response before we react to others. "why am i feeling angry. what's my first instinct) 
Foolish: keciyl, foolish and arrogant. we think our thoughts and ways must be the right one

Provb 14:16

3) Our anger can Implicate the people around us

Provb 22:24-25 (are we positive influences at home) 

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What is Anger

- it's a symptom not the root problem (thinking style/values and unmet emotional needs) 

- anger is a signal, "Anger is never without a reason, but seldom a good one" - Benjamin Franklin

Righteous Anger
- Gal 1:6-9
Matt 21:12-13
Rom 1:18 

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How can we tell if our anger is wrong or not?
James 4:1-3

"What do I want that I did not get?"

Don't censor ourselves in this reflection process, be very very honest. 

What was it that I really wanted, was this person the source that can give me these things

The things what we want, can only be truly and fully met in Christ alone. 
"You do not have, because you do not ask God"
Talk and come out with pragmatic ways, but ultimately our assurance, identity and value is from God.

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When is Anger wrong
' in your anger do not sin'. (Ephe 4:26a)

Anger is not sin, but many times when we are angry, we sin. 

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Negative expressions of Anger

1) Anger that is easily triggered 

- most easily triggered by people closest to us

- it always begins with a thought

- Ecc 7:8-9 

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2) Anger that is vented destructively

- Prov 29:11

- rash decisions, just to get back at people

- hurt people, hurt people

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3) Anger is kept unnecessarily

- when it takes root in our life and becomes bitterness 

- instant replay can become permanent replay (when we replay in our head even after the incident is over) 

God encourages us: 

Heb 12: 4

- not telling us to be passive. harness our anger into positive actions

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How to Manage our Anger

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1) Exercise Self Control

- Proverbs 16:32 (Better a patient man than a warrior, a man who controls a temper than one who takes a city)

- the person hardest to control and lead is myself. sometimes i'm too merciful, sometimes too critical. 

- it's fruit of the spirit. it's not just a fruit of our self discipline and determination, the HS is infinite so there IS a way of self control that doesn't depend on my personality and discipline. 

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2) Practice Self Reflection

- Gen 4:6-7 

- mature christians are those who are able to discern what makes them angry

- God helped Cain do self reflection by asking questions.

- walk away from quarrels is important, but what we do as we walk away is important too if not we can walk back angrier.

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3) Perform Self Adjustment

- James 1:19-20

- decide whether this is worth being angry about and decide what I want to do about it.

is this worth my attention? if yes, what can we do about it?

- Quick Slow Slow. (quick to listen, slow to speak, slow to become angry) 

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- what good isit for us to gain comfort and convenience than for us to lose the health of our soul

Ephesians 4:31-32 
"forgive each other just as Christ forgave you" 

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Q&A
1) How do we know if my anger is righteous

- Romans 1:18. There is an intention of evil and wickedness to lead people astray. Not so much for our ego but out of compassion for people. 

- not to do with my personal interest or gain

- usually there is someone in danger or at risk 

- involves a compassion and mercy for the oppressed 

- the 'win' for righteous anger is not to win arguments but to win people. (eg. when we argue with pre believing friends who mocks our faith, the win is not to give a super eloquent reply and a sarcastic reply that they cannot refute. but to win the speaker and the witnesses) 

- the attitude and the content in our response. from our response we can be a testimony.

- it's not about justifying righteous anger but what we can do about it.

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2) What if the person is not willing to reconcile?

- Romans 12:18 'as long as it depends on you'.

- sometimes it doesn't depend on us. 

- position myself in a way that my emotions do not run on your emotions 

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LESSON 2 
 

Keeping Pride in Check

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What are some of the expressions of pride that I can see around me, why do i think pride is so prevalent in this culture? 

Check ourselves, not check other people. Be ruthless as we check ourselves

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Signs of Pride

1) Keeping up appearances 

- putting up a front that is not us
"I must look better than what I really am" 
- Matt 7:3-5 

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2) Quick to explain our own failures, unable to accept our wrong

- Proverbs 28:13

- "externalization" - "this happened in my life not because of my fault, but other people's fault" 

- when we don't take responsibility for our mistakes

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3) Having an attitude of superiority or self-sufficiency 

- "I am better than others. I don't need them. I'm not dependent on them" 

- Luke 18:9-12

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In what ways might my behavior reflect a lack of humility? 

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Why Pride is being singled out in the Bible?
Other than idolatry, pride is one of the most singled out offence in Bible. 

 

1) Pride brought Satan down 

- Ezekiel 28:15, 17a

- satan became proud on account of his beauty, his wisdom and his own splendor. 

- It's not so obviously offensive or immoral. Sometimes pride sneaks in as acceptable behavior.  

- Pride disconnects us from our reliance on God. 

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2) It is at the heart of our sin

- Genesis 3:6, Luke 4:3, 6, 9, 1 John 2:16

a) appetite of the flesh

b) you look and you want, look and you covet, lust of the eye (envy) 

c)  we want to be on equal standing as God (pride of life) 

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It can lead to Great Damages 

- "so what if im proud, it doesn't affect you" 

1) Disagree (Proverbs 11:2)

2) Disputes (Proverbs 13:10)

3) Destruction (Proverbs 16:18)

4) Dishonour  (Procerbs 29:23) 

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- Never assume that honor belongs to you. 

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3) Pride is Potent especially when we feel strong

- 2 Chron 26:5, 15b -16

-  the point is not the act of burning the incense, but the heart of Uzziah thinking he knows better than God

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What is the purposes of weaknesses in our lives? (not sin, God doesn't intend for sin to be in our lives) 

- 2 Cor 12: 1 -10 

1) To Humble Us (reliance on God is more important than comfort in our life)

2) To Glorify God (when He gives us strength to rejoice in our weakness) 

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Pride starts with how we see ourselves (emphasis on self) 

• Self Suffiicient (i don't need God or anyone else, I can do this on my own, I don't need to share this, I'm fine)
• Self Important (I don't trust God or anyone else, I deserve to be affirmed, I am good enough for what's coming)
• Self Exalting (I am better than God or anyone else, Feedback si not that important, I've worked so hard, I did this) 

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1) Acknowledge Correctly who God is. 

- accurate and exalted view of God's magnificence 

- if not what we think matters more than what God thinks 

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2) Recognize Clearly who We are

- honest view of myself. self worth is like a mirror; it is only useful when it is 'honest' 

- Read The Freedom of Self-Forgetfulness (Tim Keller) on Gospel Humility 

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3) Choose carefully who to Emulate 

- Ephe 5

- Philip 2:5b - 8

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Practical Applications

1) POSTURE - submit to one another 

- Philippians 2:5-8

- allowing God to have the final say

-  Ephe 5:21 

- submit to leaders and order (wives to husbands, slaves to masters, etc) 

- when we submit its not about being superior or inferior, it's just serving different functions (Romans 12:4-5) 

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2) ACTIONS - serve one another 

- not everything is about ME, look out for other ppl, serve other ppl

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3) DECISIONS - seek for counsel & respect others' opinions 

- Romans 15: 22 

- be accountable (not measuring if something is important enough to account, but as a habit) 

-  We are asking the leadership to give us counsel, not permission. 

- Put accountability on high regards not because we dw to make decisions, but because they are our rearview and side mirrors when we want to change lane. 

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4) SPEECH - honour others 

- all you say needs to be true, but not all truths need to be said

- honour people with our speech.

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5) WRONGS - admit faults to each other & seek forgiveness 

- pride amplifies the wrongs of other people and condenses the wrongs of myself 

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1) How do I view myself in relation to God? 

2) What if I'm called to always be the silver medal, always second. Will I be okay with that? Or will I always want to be better than others. 

3) Who can I be accountable to and seek counsel from? 

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LESSON 3

 

Walking out of Bitterness

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Bitterness is that hateful, spiteful sourness in the heart that creeps in when you have been, or think you have been, maliciously wronged. 

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Hebrews 12:15 

"See to it that no one falls short of the grace of God and that no bitter root grows up to cause trouble and defile many" 

- root of bitterness seems small on the surface but under the soil it can keep growing and get more and more complex. 

- seeds of offense planted in our hearts (eg. ppl blue tick us, words that people say, words that people didn't say, ppl that we love betray us, broken promise) 

- In bitterness we keep very clear records of wrongs (we are saying that they owe me and they need to pay us back) 

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Why is Unforgiveness Dangerous? 

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1) Unforgiveness causes us to bear grudges (Taints our view of people)

- no matter what they do, we think that they are wrong. affects the way we relate with them in a way God wants us to relate to them

- Proverbs 4:23 (guard our hearts because everything we do flows from it) 

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2) Unforgiveness makes us seek vengeance (distorts our motivation in decisions) 

- we want them to feel how being hurt feels, our motives is no longer about justice or wanting to reconcile and make peace

- we will still be the one paying the price of unforgiveness

- Matthew 5:38-42 (upside down kingdom living) 

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3) Unforgiveness distracts us from our own sins (clouds our experience of grace)
- when we are bitter, we play the victim card. 

- when we don't see our own sins then the significance of God's grace in our life becomes lesser

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What makes Forgiveness Difficult? 

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1) Unrepentance of the Offender (we can't force the offender to be repentant and we can't tell if they are sincere)

2) Proximity of the Offender

3) Severity of the Offense (not in the sufferer's control) 

4) The Suffering of the Offended

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Why is Forgiveness Required? 

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1) God has first Forgiven Us

- Matthew 18:23-35

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2) We can trust God to vindicate us

- Romans 12: 19

- Romans 2:4 (we see how God deals with us as people who has offended Him, When God meets out justice, He can turn the offender from their sins)

- To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was you. 

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3) God will be glorified through us

- do i value being an ambassador for Christ more or do I value my rights more

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What is Forgiveness

 

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1) Is a decision not a feeling

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- we don't have to wait for the stars to align, we can make a call and choose to forgive

- 2 Cor 5:19

- did Jesus really feel like going to the cross? 

- if you can't decide to not retaliate, at least decide to wait on God before doing anything in response

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2) Forgiveness is Costly (does not erase the pain) 

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- Just because I forgive, doesn't mean there are no consequences

- there are things that we cannot take back (eg. reputation)

- Sometimes the damage has been done and we just have to rebuild. We are not making a deal with God, that if I forgive then God has to top up what I lost. I'm not forgiving for blessings. 

- when Jesus forgave us, He didn't make a deal with us. 

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3) Forgiveness is Undeserved (It cannot be earned) 

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- how much I suffer because of the offense is in my control. (i can control how offended I choose to be) 

- we are not waiting for them to come forward to ask for forgiveness 

- if the forgiveness can be bought, there's no room for grace

- whatever God has forgiven me is absolute and no account is kept. which motivates me to want to pursue holiness even more, not out of fear that I will not be forgiven 

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4) Forgiveness is a Closure (keeps no records) 

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- Heb 10:17

- don't let the root of bitterness fester

- keep short accounts with God and close the accounts quickly. Once it piles up it's going to take alot of work to clean up.

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5) Forgiveness is Total (has no conditions)

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- 1 John 1:9

- anything we hide in the dark will fester, once we expose to the light, God will do something about it

 

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How to Really Forgive? 

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1) Acknowledge the Offense and Its Consequences 

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- Matthew 18:15a, 16

- I will still go to you and point out this offense, but it's not for me, it's for you. (because if you do this to me, you will probably do it to other people) 

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2) Blame the Offender in Appropriate  Measure

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- it should not be fully pinned on the offender

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3) Cancel the debt the offender owes you

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- it's a decision not a feeling

- the source comes from the Cross and we are just extending it

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4) Decide to trust that God will be the Final Judge 

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- sometimes we go into a confrontation thinking it will all go well, but it might not

- Acts 17:31

- sometimes it's not possible for anything to happen now, but we can trust that God will vindicate 

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5) Express the forgiveness to the Offender

- 2 Cor 2:7-8

- sometimes the offender understands the wrong that has been done, we can take the first step to offer forgiveness

- "as far as it depends on you, live peacefully with ppl" 

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Colossians 3:13

Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone.

Forgive as the Lord forgave you.

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- if we don't walk out of this bitterness, we will always feel shortchanged and it will affect the way we relate with God

- we might have to choose to forgive the same incident again and again. 

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1) Has there been a seed of offence planted in my heart? Have I allowed these? 

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2) Offering the other cheek is not just tolerating the pain. In their context, being slapped with the left hand is very rude and demeaning. It's about laying down out rights (not our rights taken from us). It's a very high standard - i perfectly understand how you've wronged me or taken away from me, but I choose to have your best interest at heart. Bitterness and forgiveness doesn't rationally makes sense, unless we have a view of the cross. 

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3) So how do you know when you have truly forgiven?

“when we strive against all thoughts of revenge; when we will not do our enemies mischief, but wish well to them, grieve at their calamities, pray for them, seek reconciliation with them, and show ourselves ready on all occasions to relieve them.”

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4) What if your bitterness is not against people but against God? (why God allow this to happen)
- The God I believe in is not so fragile that you hurt Him by being angry at him, or so petty that He will hold it against you for being upset with Him. 

- 'why god allow this to happen" Are we asking God this question? It's better to flip table and trash it out with God than to walk away and not communicate with God

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5) What if the bitterness is against ourselves? When we did something that make us so disappointed in ourselves.

- Who imprisons you?

- "I think that if God forgives us, we must forgive ourselves. Otherwise it is almost like setting up ourselves as a higher tribunal" - CS Lewis