Chapter 1: Recognizing Tip-of-the-Iceberg Spirituality

10

• Have I been unconsciously thinking ‘Am i a good enough Christian?”

• Pretending was safer than honesty and vulnerability.

• Has my discipleship and spirituality touched the deep internal wounds and sin patterns - especially those ugly ones that emerged behind the closed doors of my homes, during trials, disagreements, conflicts and setbacks? Is my present way of living the Christian life transforming the deep places in my life?

Church Leavers

• People who were genuinely committed to Christ but slowly and painfully their life didn’t change in a deep, Christ transforming manner.

• People who are still in church but quit internally, becomes inactive.

• People who abandoned the faith completely. Sick of being stuck in their spiritual journey and Christians who despite church commitment and ‘knowledge of God’ were angry, compulsive, highly opinionated, defensive, proud and too busy to love Jesus.

11

-

13

• Pain exposes how much was hiding under our surface of being a ‘good christian’. There might be whole layers of emotional life, lain buried, untouched by GOd’s transformation.

• Our families are all different. But one thing similar is that we’re marked by the consequences of the disobedience of our first parents as described in Gen 3. Shame, secrets, lies, betrayals, disappointments and unresolved longings for unconditional love.

14 - 15

Different Approaches

• Bible study, prayer, cell groups etc and other discipleship models are good. But they can add layers against people growing up emotionally. Because they are having real, helpful spiritual experiences in certain areas of their lives - worship, prayer, Bible studies, fellowship - they mistakenly believe they are doing fine, even if their relational life and interior world is not in order. They ignore the emotional immaturity in them.

• 10% of the ice berg is the visible changes that people see. We are nicer, more respectful, get out of alcohol etc but the bottom 90% is untouched by Christ.

​

20

God’s Way

• When we live authentically, in God’s way, we will bear fruits and gifts.

​

​

​

​

​

​

​

​

​

​

​

​

​

​

​

​

​

• How many of these fruits are in our life now?

​

Chapter 2: Top 10 Symptoms of Emotionally Unhealthy Spirituality.

23 -

We can be a 22 year old christian but just been a one year a christian 22 times.

1. Using God to Run from GodDoing alot of ‘christian activities’ to run from my pain and ignore the areas that God wants me to change

Eg.

Do God’s work to satisfy Him, not me.

Do things in God’s name that He never asked me to do

Prayers are about God doing my will and not my surrendering to His

Demonstrating ‘christian behavior’ so ppl think well of me

Use His truth to judge and devalue others

Exaggerate my accomplishments for God to subtly compete with others

Use scripture to justify the sinful parts of nation, culture, family instead of evaluating them under his Lordship

Hide behind Godtalk, deflecting spotlight on my inner cracks and become defensive about my failures.

Apply biblical truths selectively.

 

2)  Ignoring emotions of Anger, Sadness and Fear

Do we try to inflate ourselves with a false confidence to make these emotions go away?

To feel is to be human. To the degree that we are unable to express our emotions, we remain impaired in our ability to love God, others and ourselves well.

 

     3) Dying to the wrong things

Luke 9:23 when applied without taking into considerations the rest of Scripture results in the opposite of what God intends. The faulty theology sounds like “The more miserable you are, the more you suffer, the more God loves you. Disregard your unique personhood; it has no place in God’s kingdom”

We are to die to the sinful parts of who we are - defensiveness, detachment from others, arrogance, stubbornness, judgmentalism, lack of vulnerability.

God didn’t tell us to die to the ‘good’ parts of who we are (healthy desires and pleasures - friendships, joy, art, music, beauty, recreation). He didn’t tell us to annihilate the self. We are not to become ‘non-person’ when we become Christians.

  

     4) Denying the Past’s Impact on the Present

2 Cor 5:17 and John 3:3 declares we are born again when we accept Christ. It’s a true miracle. But it doesn't mean what our past lives were won’t continue to influence us.

The work of growing in Christ (sanctification) demands we go back in order to break free from unhealthy and destructive patterns that prevent us from loving ourselves and others as God designed.

 

       5) Dividing our lives into ‘secular’ and ‘sacred’ (pg30)

Our uncanny ability to live compartmentalized, double lives.

Are we living any differently from pre believers?

 

        6) Doing for God instead of Being with God

Matthew 9:37. Were the Christian monks escapist? The msges seemed clear that (Doing lots of work of God is reflective that you are growing spiritually, God can’t move unless you pray, You are responsible to share Christ or ppl will go to hell, things will fall apart if you don’t persevere and hold things together)

These things are not wrong. But work for God that is not nourished by a deep interior life with God will eventually be contaminated by other things such as ego, power, needing approval from others, buying into the wrong ideas of success and mistaken belief that we can’t fail.

 

        7) Spiritualizing away conflict

What do we do when faced with tensions and conflicts?

Say one thing in their face but another behind their backs

Make promises we don’t intend to keep

Blame, attack

Silent treatment

Become sarcastic

Give in cause we’re scared of being unliked

Tell only half truths because we can’t bear to hurt their feelings

Say yes when we meant no

Avoid, withdraw, cut off

Jesus was in regular conflict with the religious leaders, the church and his family. But out of a desire to bring true peace, He disrupted the false peace around him.

 

        8) Covering over brokenness, weakness and failure

David had his failings in front of God and chose to publish them in Psalms. An adulterous King. Paul had a thorn in his flesh, used it to remind readers that God’s power is made perfect in our weaknesses.

The bible doesn’t spin the flaws and weaknesses of its heroes. (Moses a murderer, Hosea’s wife a prostitute, Peter rebuked God, Noah got drunk, Jacob a liar, John Mark deserted Paul) Despite our gifts and strengths, we are all weak, vulnerable and dependent on God and others.

​

         9) Living without Limits

Were we taught that good christians constantly give and tend to others, not supposed to say no to requests for help etc

Some christians are selfish. But i’ve seen more christians who carry the guilt around for never doing enough. This guilt leads to discouragement which leads to disengagement and isolation from ‘needy people’ because they don’t know what else they can do.

We are not God. Jesus modeled this for us as a human being. He didn't heal every sick person or raise every dead person. He did not feed all the hungry beggars or set up job centers for the poor in Jerusalem.

Philippians 2:3 and 1 John 3:16. Yes we are to lay our lives down for others and consider others more important. But we need a ‘self’ to lay down.

Self care is not a selfish act. It is a good stewardship of the only gift I have. Caring for ourselves is not just for ourselves but for the many others whose lives we touch.

 

       10) Judging Other’s Spiritual Journey

Difference between correcting people and judging them. Do I turn our differences into moral superiority? (their music too loud, hair too short, dress up dress down, create groups to subtly catergorize people)

By failing to let others be themselves before God and move at their own pace, we inevitably project onto them our own discomfort with their choice to live life differently than we do. We try to eliminate them and make them like us.

​

Chapter 3: The Radical Antidote

39

When people begin their walk with Christ we teach them to:

Attend church for worship, Word and communion

Have QT

LG for spiritual nourishment, fellowship, Word.

Trust God by giving financially

Let Christ inform the way they behave

Discover spiritual gifts and use them

Evangelize

​

42

The world tells us that

Happiness is found in having things

Get all you can for yourself as quickly as you can

Security is found in money, power, status and good health

Seek pleasure, convenience, comfort

God is irrelevant to everyday life

Christianity is just one of many alternative spiritualities

There are no moral absolutes, whatever is true for you is what is true

You’re not responsible for anyone but yourself

Your life on earth is all there is.

 

We’re afraid of God’s will being done because we can’t control what he will do, when he will do it, how he will do it and what the outcome might be. God’s will requires surrender and trust, and it’s something we’re unwilling to offer.

​

43

Emotional health is concerned with things as:

 

Naming, recognizing and managing our own feelings

Identifying with and having active compassion for others

Initiating and maintaining close, meaningful relationships

Breaking free from self destructive patterns

Being aware of how our past impacts our present

Developing the capacity to express thoughts and feelings

Respecting and loving others without having to change them

Asking for what we need, want or prefer clearly, directly, and respectfully

Accurately self assessing our strengths, limits and weaknesses and freely sharing them with others

Leaning to resolve conflict maturely and negotiating solutions that consider the perspectives of others

Distinguishing and appropriately expressing our sexuality and sensuality

Grieving well

 

Contemplative spirituality :

• Awakening & surrendering to God’s love in any and every situation

• Position ourselves to hear God and remember his presence in all we do

• Communing with God

• Practicing silence, solitude and a life of unceasing prayer

• Resting attentively in the presence of God

• Understand our earthly life as a journey of transformation toward ever increasing union with God.

• Finding the true essence of who we are in God

• Loving others out of a life of love for God

• Develop a balanved, harmonious rhythm of life

• Living in committed community that passionately love Jesus

47

Why are the above two important?

• Emotional health concerns itself primarily with love others well. Self awareness, knowing what is going on inside of us is indispensable to emotional health and loving well. The extent to which we love and respect ourselves is the extent to which we will be able to love and respect others. It’s not only about ourselves and our r/s, it impacts our image of God, our hearing of God’s voice and our discernment of his will.

• Contemplation is not just about our relationship with God. It is the way we treat people and the way we look at ourselves. Our r/s with God and our r/s with people are two sides of the same coin. 1 John 4:7-21. If loving union with God does not result in a loving union with people then it is not true.

47

3 Gifts

 

1. Slow Down

• We’re always occupied with doing something. Greatest weakness flowing out of our greatest strength. We can accomplish alot but not pay attention to God. ‘You may be slowing down, but are you paying attention to God?’

• Mary vs Martha. Martha is actively serving Jesus but she is missing Jesus. Busy with the ‘doing” of life. Her life, at this moment is filled with “shoulds” and “have tos”. Her life is fragmented, pressured & distracted. Her life is uncentered and divided. Even if she sat at the feet of Jesus she would’ve been distracted with everything on her mind. Touchy, irritable & anxious. She would even tell God what to do.